Thoughts
Latley I've been thinking about taking a break. By taking a break I mean taking a break from the computer. I've spent way much more time by this computer than I should've. It's like I'm throwing away my life - for nothing.
And yes, I'm sorta writing in English because of the English essay I wrote in school today, which actually was kinda about this. I wrote that you shouldn't just sit there and wait for your life to change - you need to take action (and well, maybe I've read too much of Gackt's GACKTIONARY too...). When I begun to write it last Friday I thought a bit of it, but that thoughts disappeared in the weekend. When I took up my pencil (today) and continued I started to think, really think (in English, yes)
I've been thinking about taking a break earlier too, but it never happens. I know that I really should do something, but I never do, and it annoys me. I don't want to throw my life away, just to spend the rest of my life in front of a computer. It's not what I want. I have a goal (a lot of goals, to be honest), but I'm not doing anything to reach it.
The point is that the only things I do by the computer is to read blogs, read Gakuhai and role play. That's all. It's never something important, like homework. Actually I almost never do homework (but to be honest, that has nothing to do with this) either, even though I should've finished my religion work (about animism) long time ago.
I'm so sick of this. This is not who I want to be. I need a change. I need to be able to think things through, make up my mind. At the moment I feel like I'm bound to this. It's like I can't do something else. At the same time I want to change - I'm afraid of changes, at least big changes like this. This is my, so to say, safe place, and it's something I'm really used to nowadays. The thought change makes me exicted, but at the same time afraid. Afraid of things I've never met before. It's all new. At the same time I'm afraid of changing - I'm afraid of not changing. I don't know which of them that scares me the most.
I guess I should head of to bed, even though I rather stay awake through the whole night. Do an all nighter as a punishment.
Well, at least it's only two and a half day left in school until easter holiday. Am I exicted? Na-ah. Actually I don't know what I am. It feels like it doesn't matter.
Repeat. It seems like the days ar all the same. Like I'm stuck in this time loop (oops, too much Charmed, or maybe Angel... even though I haven't seen Angel for quite a while. I think I miss him and the others) and there's no way to get out. Repeat. It never happens anything unusual in my life. Repeat. I wake up in the morning, make me ready for school, off to school (yay...), home again (oh, hi there, mister computer, I don't think we have met), role play, role play, Gakuhai, role play, boring stuffs, Gakuhai, sleep. Repeat.
I'M SICK OF THIS. Well, I'm off. Question is... will I be able to sleep... or not? Guess time will tell.
And yes, I'm sorta writing in English because of the English essay I wrote in school today, which actually was kinda about this. I wrote that you shouldn't just sit there and wait for your life to change - you need to take action (and well, maybe I've read too much of Gackt's GACKTIONARY too...). When I begun to write it last Friday I thought a bit of it, but that thoughts disappeared in the weekend. When I took up my pencil (today) and continued I started to think, really think (in English, yes)
I've been thinking about taking a break earlier too, but it never happens. I know that I really should do something, but I never do, and it annoys me. I don't want to throw my life away, just to spend the rest of my life in front of a computer. It's not what I want. I have a goal (a lot of goals, to be honest), but I'm not doing anything to reach it.
The point is that the only things I do by the computer is to read blogs, read Gakuhai and role play. That's all. It's never something important, like homework. Actually I almost never do homework (but to be honest, that has nothing to do with this) either, even though I should've finished my religion work (about animism) long time ago.
I'm so sick of this. This is not who I want to be. I need a change. I need to be able to think things through, make up my mind. At the moment I feel like I'm bound to this. It's like I can't do something else. At the same time I want to change - I'm afraid of changes, at least big changes like this. This is my, so to say, safe place, and it's something I'm really used to nowadays. The thought change makes me exicted, but at the same time afraid. Afraid of things I've never met before. It's all new. At the same time I'm afraid of changing - I'm afraid of not changing. I don't know which of them that scares me the most.
My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less travelled by
That first step you take is the longest stride
- Nickelback; "If today was your last day"
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less travelled by
That first step you take is the longest stride
- Nickelback; "If today was your last day"
It echoes in my head all the time. It seems like I can't get rid of it, no matter how hard I try. It's stuck and won't move. If this was my last day, would I die with knowing that I didn't even try to commit those things I want to? Do I want to spend my last day in front of the computer, like every other day? Do I want this? The answer is no, and I've known that for a long time. Still, I haven't done anything. What the heck am I waiting for?
I guess I should head of to bed, even though I rather stay awake through the whole night. Do an all nighter as a punishment.
Well, at least it's only two and a half day left in school until easter holiday. Am I exicted? Na-ah. Actually I don't know what I am. It feels like it doesn't matter.
Repeat. It seems like the days ar all the same. Like I'm stuck in this time loop (oops, too much Charmed, or maybe Angel... even though I haven't seen Angel for quite a while. I think I miss him and the others) and there's no way to get out. Repeat. It never happens anything unusual in my life. Repeat. I wake up in the morning, make me ready for school, off to school (yay...), home again (oh, hi there, mister computer, I don't think we have met), role play, role play, Gakuhai, role play, boring stuffs, Gakuhai, sleep. Repeat.
I'M SICK OF THIS. Well, I'm off. Question is... will I be able to sleep... or not? Guess time will tell.
(no, I'm not suicidal, if there's actually someone dumb enough to think that thought)
~Comments about my grammar or spelling will not be approved, since I simply don't care - at all.
Therefore, it's no use to write them.
Have nice day, and get of my lawn asap (well... uh).~
Therefore, it's no use to write them.
Have nice day, and get of my lawn asap (well... uh).~
Kommentarer
Postat av: Gacchan
Håller med, som sagt.
LOVET SKA BLI ETT DATORFRITT LOV! :D Sådetså!
Postat av: Liza
DU HAR SÅ RÄTT! Trodde det var jag som hade skrivit det liksom xD Jag kommer nog skriva ett liknande inlägg sen...
Men det är helt rätt i det du säger!!
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